When was the last time you felt bad about yourself? Maybe something didn't go your way or you messed up big time in your personal or professional life.
Whatever it is that happened, the aftermath left your confidence pretty shaken, like a swift kick to the gut. Then thoughts like, "You're a loser," and "You'll never be as good as you want to be," start to creep in.
It's a natural consequence of feeling like a failure because you'll want to get some form of reassurance or confirmation from other people (like the man/woman in your life) that you're not as bad as you think. But then, this attitude actually alienates the people around you, sensing a desperation from you that repels them.
If you've gone through this in some way, you should also know that having low self-confidence is the quickest way to sabotage your love life. Attraction can't grow under these circumstances, especially when a negative, self-loathing attitude is like a cancer in your mind, not leaving room for anything else.
A lot of people who are dear to me have also experienced the same thing. I've been there before, at many points in my life, so I'm here to share that there is a way to climb out of the pit of self-pity. All you need to do is to learn some basic mental habits that will act like rungs in a ladder to get you out, step by step:
#1: Look Inward
The problem with many of us is that we tend to judge our self-worth based on the outside world. Our inner reality becomes permeated by our external circumstances, which then leave us feeling like crap. Here's what I mean: when "it" hits the fan, the common response for most of us is to let our misfortunes define who we are on the inside, and we allow whatever's giving us grief (e.g. finances, job security, relationship status) to have power over us. But the fact is that we're not going to feel any better about ourselves even after we've made more money, lost 20kg, or have a trophy boyfriend/girlfriend. Deep down, there's still that inner reality telling us that we're "never good enough."
This is highly toxic because you're hinging your self-confidence on things from the outside world. As a result, you'll always want people to reassure you all the time.
So, the biggest step you can take is simply realising that you are NOT your salary, the car you drive, the relationship you're in, or any of things that are just on the surface.
#2: Reclaim Your Personal Power
The great thing about taking on this new perspective is that you'll gain an incredible amount of leverage in your internal power struggle. By not allowing the outside world to tell you who you are as a person, you'll be the one who decides just how much you're worth. Not your circumstances, and certainly not other people.
So now you'll slowly stop begging your partner or your friends for a sense of reassurance since you already know that you're perfectly fine as you are. When other people's opinions and circumstances don't bring you down anymore, this dramatic shift will have a profound effect in your life.
This time, it's your inner reality projecting itself to the outside world – not the other way around.
That means you'll be the one telling other people what to think of you, thanks to your new outlook on life.
#3: Live in the Present
Now that you've turned the tables on life, you'll find that not begging people will get you what you wanted in the first place.
Ironic, but true.
The real trick is to shut off that constant, self-sabotaging inner monologue that you've been listening to all this time. That's just the outside world poisoning your thoughts and playing tricks on your mind.
So tune it out and be objective about yourself – are you really as bad as you think you are?
Or is it just your brain taking your worst fears and insecurities and needlessly AMPLIFYING them?
The best way to get on top of these thoughts is to believe that things will improve on their own eventually.
Living in the future is not a good place to be in, so you have to act on what's in front of you, i.e. THE PRESENT.
This is a powerful position to operate from, because now you're looking within (as opposed to depending on other people's approval) – and living in the present gives you the needed push to change your life.
Don't get me wrong though; I'm not saying my life is perfect, because it's far from perfect. I don't have everything all figured out either. I'm just sharing what I've learned in the past year.
I still have to consciously REFUSE to act like a victim of my own circumstances; because desperation and neediness are NOT sexy qualities I want to have.
#4: Act With Power
This is why we tend to repeat the same harmful patterns and drive people away, thanks to a, "I'll be better someday, but not today," attitude.
Well, that day will never come if you don't do something about it NOW.
The present moment is the ONLY opportunity to take action, but you have to act without thinking about what others might say.
You must tell yourself, "I'm okay with who I am NOW, and it's enough for the people in my life."
And when you act this way – as opposed to doing things out of fear or a "please like me" attitude – other people will notice. You'll find yourself free from self-doubt and carry yourself in a way that exudes genuine, honest-to-goodness confidence. Nobody expects you to be perfect because nobody is; so just be the best version of yourself. It takes conscious effort, and it has to start somewhere.
In other words, don't "try" to be awesome; just BE awesome!
Yours truly,
Queen of Epic Awesomeness
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